When the Tropics Send Invitations: A Snarky Guide to Surviving Hurricane Season

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Hurricane season runs until November 30 — which means the Atlantic is open for business and meteorologists are dusting off their dramatic voice-overs. 

If you’re going to survive the next few months without turning your living room into an indoor slip-n-slide, it helps to know the words forecasters will throw around like confetti: tropical disturbance, invest, potential tropical cyclone. 

Sounds kind of fancy. 

Mostly, it’s code for “pay attention.”

Think of this as your crash course in tropical terminology — mixed with a bit of satire, some common-sense prep, and official guidance from the folks who actually manage the water when it rains hard: the South Florida Water Management District (the “District”).

Tropical weather terms (quiz yourself — no grading)

Meteorologists don’t enjoy scaring people. They prefer to terrify us with textbook precision. Here are the terms you’ll likely hear — in plain English.

  • Tropical Disturbance: A moody weather system from the tropics or subtropics — disorganised showers and thunderstorms hanging around for at least 24 hours. Think awkward party guest who won’t leave.

  • Tropical Wave: The most common disturbance; an elongated low-pressure area that moves east to west. Imagine the ocean doing a lazy conga line.

  • Invest: A disturbance that forecasters have put a polite “we’re watching you” sign on. Data collection begins.

  • Potential Tropical Cyclone: This is the “maybe soon” stage — a disturbance likely to become a tropical or subtropical cyclone shortly. Forecasters can issue watches and warnings even before a named storm forms.

  • Tropical Cyclone: The umbrella term for a spinning tropical system with a defined center — includes depressions, storms, and hurricanes.

  • Tropical Depression: Winds at 38 mph or less. It’s trying, but it’s not yet threatening your pergola.

  • Tropical Storm: Winds between 39 and 73 mph — now it’s serious; you might want to tape windows, not feelings.

  • Hurricane: Winds of 74 mph or more. Classified on the Saffir-Simpson scale. This is the event where you stop pretending you love “coastal living” and start boarding up.

Why the jargon matters

Understanding these terms helps you make decisions. 

A “potential tropical cyclone” means local warnings could come sooner than you expect — and you should act like your cat’s carrier is a VIP ticket to the safe zone.

What the District does (and why you should nod appreciatively)

“The District continuously monitors weather conditions and forecasts, making necessary operational adjustments in advance of and in response to rainfall,” officials say. 

You might notice canals and lakes lower than normal before a storm as water managers temporarily “draw down” the system to create more room for stormwater. 

In plain English: they’re making space so your living room doesn’t become a new indoor pool!

“The District will keep the public informed on its operations and flood control efforts if a storm approaches the region,” they add — so yes, pay attention when they post updates.

Practical, easy preparedness (do these things)

Storm prep doesn’t require heroics, just elbow grease and a functioning attention span.

  • Clear drainage gates, ditches and yards of debris. If water can’t flow, neither can your sanity.

  • Trim trees and remove dead vegetation in your yard. Do not do this while a storm is forecast — timing matters.

  • Check retention ponds and report clogged pipes to your HOA, city, county, or drainage district.

  • Make a personal hurricane plan. The District points to resources like FloridaDisaster.org for checklists and evacuation guidance.

  • Learn who is responsible for drainage in your community at SFWMD.gov/FloodControl. If you don’t know, call someone who does. Preferably before it rains.

Homeowner pro tip (free)

If canals look low before a big rain, it’s not negligence — it’s strategy. 

That temporary drawdown is your friend. 

Don’t panic when the view gets a little less picturesque.

Final exam (two questions)

  1. When does hurricane season end? — November 30.

  2. Where do you go for neighborhood drainage info? — SFWMD.gov/FloodControl.

If you’ve read this far, you’re already more prepared than your friend who thinks “invest” refers only to crypto. 

Make a plan, clean your drains, and follow official sources. 

When the tropics start sending RSVP cards, you’ll be ready with canned goods, a tarp, and the only thing more valuable than bottled water: calm.


Florida Homeowners to Insurance Companies: "You Played Us, Didn’t You?

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