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Mondays: The "Official" Unofficial Villain of the Calendar


 


Monday. The day that reminds us that time is a cruel, relentless beast that refuses to let us stay in our sweatpants forever. Scientists have yet to confirm it, but Mondays may, in fact, be an elaborate prank created by the universe to test human patience.

The Five Stages of Monday Grief

Every Monday morning begins the same way: with denial. Your alarm goes off, and for a brief, blissful second, you think it’s still Sunday. Then reality smacks you in the face like a cold cup of office coffee.

Next comes anger. "Who invented the five-day workweek, and why have they not been brought to justice?" you mutter, aggressively brushing your teeth.

Bargaining follows. "If I hit snooze one more time, I can skip breakfast and still make it to work on time… probably."

Depression sets in somewhere between your third cup of coffee and realizing your inbox is a disaster zone.

And finally, acceptance—right around 4:59 PM, when you realize you’ve made it through yet another Monday without quitting your job to become a full-time nap enthusiast.

Why Is Monday the Worst?

Experts—also known as people who tweet about it—agree that Mondays are universally terrible because they disrupt the delicate balance of weekend joy.

Friday is a pre-party. Saturday is peak relaxation. Sunday is the "calm before the storm." And then BAM—Monday slams into you like a rogue shopping cart in a Walmart parking lot.

The Science Behind Monday Productivity (Or Lack Thereof)

Studies show that workplace productivity on Mondays is roughly equivalent to that of a sloth on NyQuil. Emails take longer to write. Meetings feel like hostage situations. And everyone in the office has the same haunted, soulless look in their eyes—the look of people who just had to wake up before the sun.

Monday: The Great Equalizer

It doesn’t matter if you’re a CEO, a barista, or a professional cat wrangler—Mondays hit everyone the same way. Even billionaires with private jets and islands still have to deal with Monday. Sure, their version might involve drinking mimosas in the Maldives while answering emails, but still—it's Monday.



 

How to Survive a Monday (Or At Least Fake It)

  1. Caffeine. Lots of it. Enough to make your heart question your life choices.

  2. Low Expectations. Aim to accomplish one thing—maybe. Anything beyond that is a bonus.

  3. Avoid Eye Contact. Especially with coworkers who are way too enthusiastic about being back at work. These people cannot be trusted.

  4. Take a Nap. If questioned, call it a "strategic energy recalibration."

  5. Pretend It’s Friday. Sure, it’s not, but self-delusion is a powerful coping mechanism.

Final Thoughts: The Bright Side of Monday?

The good news? Once you survive Monday, you’re one step closer to Friday. And that’s the only thing that really matters.

So, here’s to Mondays—the day we all collectively pretend to be functioning adults while secretly wondering if faking our own disappearance is a viable option. Stay strong, fellow warriors. Tuesday is just around the corner.

Please support my writing by tipping $1 at https://ko-fi.com/wilchard1102

 

 

  • #MondayBlues
  • #MondayGrief
  • #MondayStruggles
  • #SurvivingMonday
  • #NotReadyForMonday
  • #FakeItTillYouMakeIt
  • #MondayMadness
  • #NeedCoffeeNow
  • #WorkweekWoes
  • #BarelyAwakeMonday
  • #RelatableMondays
  • #MondayMood
  • #CountdownToTuesday
  • #SnoozeButtonSavior
  • #OfficeCoffeePain


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