LAKE WALES, Fla. — In a move that’s equal parts “Safety First” and “Gotcha, Speedy!” Lake Wales city commissioners have voted to install speed-detection cameras in school zones—because apparently “Slow Down, Kids Crossing” signs weren’t quite enough to tame the local Need for Speed crowd.
“Pop Quiz: Spot the Speeding Sedan!”
You know you live in Lake Wales when your morning commute feels like the Daytona 500.
Last September alone, over 2,000 speeding violations were clocked near Lake Wales High School—more infractions than a detention lodge on Red Bull and pizza.
“This intersection is really dangerous. Fender-benders, people yelling and screaming at each other, and people pretty much do what they want to do at these red lights,” lamented one longtime resident.
“Smile! You’re on Traffic Camera!”
Soon, any driver sashaying through the painted zebra stripes will be immortalized in pixel-perfect speed-o-vision.
The cameras—Lake Wales’s answer to Dad’s disapproving glare—will snap your license plate faster than you can say “renew registration.”
Fines (estimated at $100–$200 per blast-through) will be mailed with a courtesy “You tried..You lost” note.
“Lieutenant, Lock and Load the Lenses”
When asked why the city chose Big Brother’s speed lens over more human solutions, Lt. Edward Palmer of the Lake Wales Police Department kept it simple:
“What we’re hoping to do is reduce any accidents, serious bodily injuries, or even fatalities within the school zones.”
Translation: if drivers won’t behave like responsible adults, they’ll start behaving under watchful CCTV and the loss of hundreds of dollars.
The Great Camera Hunt
Lake Wales won’t stop at speed cameras.
Commissioners also green-lit red-light cameras on two major highways—though they’re still “searching for a company to operate the cameras.”
One imagines a trophy case of rejected bidders: “Sorry, we accidentally mailed all the tickets to your ex” or “Our cameras got so bored they started filming squirrels.”
“Patience, People!”
In the interim, that longtime resident offers a plea to the community:
“Around schools, it’s very important to be very cautious. People need to have a little more patience.”
Her words should send shockwaves through the city’s habitual tailgaters, who would probably be outraged at the suggestion they should actually wait an extra three seconds for a light to turn green.
“Polk County Club of Camera Enthusiasts”
Lake Wales proudly joins five other Polk County cities in the Speed Camera Collective, where municipal budgets rejoice at a fresh revenue stream.
It seems local children will soon learn two life lessons: 1) Always cross at the light, and **2) Every car has a price—literally—when you drive like it’s qualifying laps for a race!
Epilogue: The Day of Reckoning
Mark your calendars for the cameras’ big debut: sensors will begin beaming next semester, just in time for families to splurge on “I Got a Ticket in Lake Wales” bumper stickers.
As drivers swap adrenaline for amusement, Lake Wales High School students might finally see fewer squealing tires and more squealing laughter—knowing that their safety concerns are being looked after.
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