Denmark Summons U.S. Ambassador Over Rumored Greenland Spying

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In a diplomatic plot twist chillier than a Greenland iceberg, Denmark’s Foreign Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen announced Tuesday that he’s summoning the U.S. acting ambassador over reports that American spy agencies have been told to focus on Greenland—because nothing says “friendly allies” like secret missions on a fellow NATO member’s icy turf.

“We Do Not Spy on Friends—Especially Not If They’re Cold”
Rasmussen, fresh off an EU ministers meeting in Warsaw, called the Wall Street Journal exposé “somewhat disturbing.” “It worries me greatly because we do not spy on friends,” he declared, clutching his warmest sweater. 

Meanwhile, the Danish Security Service (PET) confessed it had “naturally” noticed increased espionage interest in Greenland—but insists Denmark isn’t offering icebergs as bribes.

Spy vs. Spy vs. President
According to the Journal, U.S. agencies have been directed to snoop on Greenland’s independence movement and its troves of rare-earth minerals—just weeks after President Trump mused about “cherishing” Greenland’s tiny population and “not ruling out” military force to seize it. 

In response, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard (yes, that Tulsi) accused the Journal of “undermining our democracy” by leaking the classified gossip faster than a cruise ship passing Nuuk.

Greenland Says “Go Fish”
Greenland’s own politicians have rallied in Arctic solidarity, waving banners reading “Hands Off Our Ice!” and “Denmark’s Problem, Not Yours!” 

Polls show most Greenlander's dream of independence—but definitely not a new flag with stars and stripes.


Vance Visits, Greenland Cringes
The spat follows Vice President JD Vance’s March tour of a remote U.S. base in Greenland, which Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen blasted as “unacceptable pressure.” She added, “If you want our minerals, bring cookies, not boots.”

Biden’s Bafflement
Former President Joe Biden, speaking from his post-presidential beach house (sans ice), summed it up best: “What the hell’s going on here? We’re about freedom and democracy, not ‘finders-keepers’ for real estate.”

As Denmark prepares to politely grill the U.S. envoy over cocoa and diplomatic notes, one thing’s clear: if you’re going to poke at Greenland, you’d better bring more than binoculars—you’ll need a warm invitation.


 

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  1. #ColdShoulderDiplomacy

  2. #GreenlandGate

  3. #SpyVsIce

  4. #HandsOffOurIce

  5. #FriendlyFrost

  6. #DenmarkGrillsUSA

  7. #NoBootsOnIce

  8. #CherishDontSeize

  9. #TulsiTellsAll

  10. #VanceVisits?

  11. #ArcticAllies

  12. #FindersKeepers?

  13. #StolenMinerals

  14. #BidenBaffled

  15. #WhenSpiesGoIceFishing

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