USPS Changes This Week: From Speedy Mail to Snail Mail 2.0

In an effort to save a few billion dollars (and probably some dignity), the United States Postal Service is rolling out a series of changes that promise to make mail delivery either faster, slower, or just downright unpredictable. The changes, part of the agency’s “Delivering for America” 10-year plan, come as a result of a collaboration with the Department of Government Efficiency—affectionately known as DOGE—to shrink the federal bureaucracy. According to a statement from USPS, these cost-cutting measures have already saved a whopping $2.2 billion in transportation costs, while trimming staff hours by 50 million and closing “unnecessary facilities” has raked in another $2.5 billion in annual savings. “We’re streamlining like a pro,” said an official, “because nothing says efficiency like making people wait for their mail!” The sweeping changes will affect nearly every type of mail service—First-Class, Periodicals, Marketing Mail, Package Services, and even Priorit...